Getting a Neurodivergence Diagnosis Later in Life

“If you were Autistic/ADHD/etc, we would have known?!!”

Sound familiar?

What kinds of comments have you received (or even thought to yourself) at the idea of getting diagnosed neurodivergent as an adult? For me, it was shocked faces, odd comments about how a diagnosis doesn’t define me (I know, thank you), people who said they knew all along, or a sprinkle of “that isn’t even real”. 

I am so happy that the world is here, in this era, where we recognise that some of us were missed. We were missed for many reasons, but mostly because the adults in our world had no idea (I don’t blame them, it just wasn’t a thing), and we are expert maskers (masking is like camouflaging into the pack pretending to be “normal”). 

Let’s chat diagnoses. 

If you suspect you might be adhd, autistic, dyslexic, gifted, or another type of neurodivergent, my highest recommendation, if you can afford it, is to speak with a professional. There’s a place for wise, well thought through self-diagnoses but there’s nothing like the right professional’s insight on the matter. You could ask for dollars for a birthday and put it towards an assessment, or start by talking with a psychologist in therapy to unpack the idea. However you get there, it’ll be worth it. 

Assessments.

A diagnosis for the types of neurodivergences (NDs) I mentioned above happen with a psychologist, a neuropsychologist, a psychiatrist or sometimes someone like a neurologist. Waitlists can be long and it does cost money - let’s be honest - but the clarity is life changing and validating. Each profession has a slightly different style but mostly it will involve an interview with you and maybe a loved one, a bunch of questionnaires (which can be fun in a weird answering-400-questions-about-yourself-way) and maybe a review of childhood reports. Sometimes other things are required but that’s typically the gist. Then a report is written and you will receive the results. 

Post feedback. 

Hello rollercoaster. I certainly experienced a very big down, followed by an up, followed by a what-the-heck, and all over again. It’s a real grieving journey to process this knowledge that has been true about you since you were born (NDs are lifelong), and that you’re only finding out now. Ouch. It hurts. And the supports you’ll need for life! This isn’t just a passing thing. But then there’s the relief of having a name for it. And that it’s normal, and a real thing, and some people even CELEBRATE it. Whirl. Wind. 

Then there’s the coming out to your friends, and to work. You’ll go through phases of being really proud and an advocate, and other times you wish it wasn’t true (like after losing your keys every single day. Just me?). 

My top tips to adult ND newbies

If you’re an adult ND newby like I was, there’s a few lessons I want to bring home for you. 

1. Always ask for the supports. You are entitled to them. You are allowed to wear the headphones, not eat the capsicum, listen instead of read, read alone, read with others, have things explained again. Say it with me.. I have the right to the supports my brain needs. 

2. You are not broken. You are not defective. You are not a deficit or an illness. You are fabulous, and your brain is wired differently. Congrats. 

3. Work together with the people around you. You are allowed to be your awesome self and have the needs you have, and they will do their best to support you, but they can’t read minds. Communicate your needs when you’re in a calm state, so that the support can be offered when you need it and the words are gone. 

4. It’s not helpless. In those moments you feel completely down about your situation, and you’ve let someone down or feel you’re too much, remember that there’s always support you haven’t tried, strategies you haven’t learned, and whatever you’re feeling right now will pass. 

5. You may not have known as a kid, but you know now, and you have the rest of your life to be your authentic self. Go you.